When you just feel....."off"

I can't put my finger on it. There are days when the sun is shining and things really are going my way, to paraphrase "Oklahoma", but still deep down, there is an off feeling that makes me wonder what secret I need to unlock in order to flip the switch to on.

I'm not sure what sparked it today, but I got up, accomplished a lot in the area of dishes and laundry, and opened all the blinds and windows in my house to let sun and fresh air in. Little breezes flooded the house, making everything seem fresh and new. I had a some excitement, but then, like a lead balloon, this off feeling hit. The breeze didn't seem to be as astringent, the light as bright, and the blue sky was washed with wisps of white clouds.

So, what sparks these mood swings, and what does one do about them? I suppose I can take Daniel up on his offer of a trip to the Olive Garden for breadsticks and alfredo sauce, but that would be drowning the switch in fat....not the most productive activity. Or I can take a walk. Or do more laundry. Or just tell myself that it will get better tomorrow.

Decorate my phone!

I decided to update my iPhone background tonight.  I used my blog kit and made a quick little background.  I decided it was quite March-like with the green and so it would be appropriate.  The picture is the only one that I have of both of my kids since Christmas.  I just can't seem to get them together.  We were at Noodles a couple of weeks ago, and I decided to try and catch them in the same frame.  Oh well.  iPhone pics aren't the best quality, but they are handy!

I may have to change it tomorrow, but isn't that the best about digiscrapping?

As I left work today and I felt a surge of excitement.  I had some great ideas that suddenly came to me and I felt that I was flying high.  I grabbed my notebook and scribbled furiously until my hand ached.

It has been a good day for me.  I don't know how the light switch was turned on, but it was and I feel really good about the direction my ideas are taking me.  Now I just have to follow through.

This week as I was walking to my car, in a rare moment of sun, I had the impression that I was returning "Home" as it were, with my life.  There are things that I thought that I would be doing at age 30-something, that I haven't yet experienced.  Things that were second nature to me (at least in my mind) when I was young and idealistic are starting to return.

So a bubble of excitement runs through my soul and I can hardly wait to see where this crazy ride of life takes me!

The Shoes Have It!

I don't know exactly what it is about a pair of stilettos that do it for me.  I am not at all the type of girl that has to go about with perfect hair, perfect makeup, nails polished, etc.  But I love stilettos!  I wear them all the time!  Of course, I don't stand at work all day, so having an office job does seem to have it's benefits.

I'm not at all thin and willowy...much to my dismay when I look in the mirror, but with a little extra help from some shoes, I am in my mind.  I stand just a little straighter and feel like my legs are just a little sexy.  Hello!  I'm a mom, I shouldn't be thinking these things!  But boy, this is one of my little pleasures!

Last year, Dan bought me a pair of patent leather red stilettos.  I love them! Every time I wear them, I get compliments all over the place.  Of course, they are for the shoes, and not necessarily for me, but I'll take what I can get.  

Will I have shortened calf muscles as some have been quick to warn me of?  I doubt it.  As soon as I hit the door at home, off they come.  But for a few short hours, I feel a bit like the saucy chick I think a girl wearing stilettos should be!

MMB Give Away

Go over to Mormon Mommy Blogs to enter their giveaway!  Looks like a bunch of fun stuff!

Caution.... icy conditions may exist!

I hate ice.  Not in my drink, but on the ground.  Yep, I fell today.  Did I mention that I hate ice?

New look for the ol' Blog

Well, I spent quite a long time yesterday revamping my blog.  It needed something brighter and a little more spring-like as we have been hit by a mountain of snow!  I learned a little HTML and got a little frustrated with Blogger, but in the end, I'm pretty pleased with how it turned out!

Check out Shabby Miss Jen for the cutest blog kits!  There is a link to her store at the bottom of my blog...and she is currently listed after me on Mormon Mommy Blogs!  How cool is that!

Have a delightful day!  I'm going to warm up from the hour I spent trying to get out of the parking lot at work.  8 inches or so of snow didn't match up too well with our little Hybrid car.  Weber State closed campus for tonight, but it didn't help us employees who still had to make it off campus to get home.  Oh well.  At least I'm home and snug as a bug with my computer on my lap.  I am going to pick up a book and do some escaping!

A little Moleskine?

So, I admit it....I like to write.  In fact I carry around a Moleskine notebook in my purse and jot down my thoughts as they hit me.  The poor book is getting pretty battered by all the places I go, but there are pages of random thoughts, sketches of ideas (not drawings mind you), and some lists.

Yesterday I had a surge of inspiration and wrote quite a bit.  I can't explain why it is such a different feeling and process to write something down by hand, rather than by typing it into a computer screen.  Don't get me wrong, I love to type and blog, and do all of the grand things that come from a computer (hence my digital scrapbooking hobby), but I really love to sit down with a fine tip pen, the finer the better, and write in my little black notebook.  

I've always love notebooks.  There is a certain anticipation looking at the blank pages of a fresh notebook, not knowing exacatly what can come of those pages.  While in school, it was inevitably a slew of notes, some interesting and some not, from classes that ranged from Biology to Andulician literature.

My love of writing and notebooks does not mean in any way that I am a good journal keeper.  In fact, I stink.  I don't write the events of my life, or take time to journal about the political events of the day.  Will my children look back and feel some sort of loss that I didn't leave them neatly, chronological diaries of my life?  Will they enjoy the random ramblings of notebooks that have empty pages, thoughts of fiction, and lists of various types?

I recently asked for the journals of two of my great-grandmothers.  One, I named my daughter after, the other, I feel very close to.  They were both born before the automobile, and died during the jet and space age.  I wonder what they thought as they saw the world rapidly changing around them and what their lives were like on a daily basis.  Did they ramble as I do, or were they neatly organized and structured in their records.  I don't know, but suppose either way, I will enjoy the fact that something from their own hand was recorded.

Wether or not it is a book, a story, or just my random notebooks, I hope that I have something to leave behind when I go.  I hope that my children, grandchildren and other posterity will enjoy my randomness because that is who I am.  I can't be structured and record my daily activities.  Hopefully there is someone out there that is.  I would hate for my children to not know the price of milk on February 16, 2009, twenty years from now.  But it won't be me that records it.

When a door closes....

...the Lord opens a window.  

Yesterday I had a visit from the dean of the Social Science department.  If you remember a previous post about him a number of months ago, he was the bishop in my parents' singles ward when they got married.  He stops by occasionally to say hi and to check in on how my parents are doing.  Yesterday he told me that I only had to ask, and he would do whatever he could do to help me out in the university.  I was thrilled at the consideration, but thought there wouldn't be much to take him up on, due to the hemorrhaging budgets.  Well, it turns out that he will have a position that must be filled come summer, his college advisor is leaving mid summer for Ohio with her family.  As soon as he left, my current boss was in my office asking me if I would apply for the position.  In fact he was encouraging me to do so, although it would mean leaving my current job.  There isn't much opportunity to move up in the admissions office, but this would let me take a new direction.

Do I go in that direction or stay where I'm at?  Do I take a chance or stay where I'm comfortable?  So many questions and the window is open.  It is my choice to go through it, or not.  The door closed for me, or so I thought a few months ago when job opportunities didn't work out.  It just goes to show me that there are windows opening all over the place.

Nigel's Creations

Nigel has only thrown up two or three times in his entire life time.  The kid is healthy as a horse, but I can't figure out why.  Last week, after he threw up and had to come home early and miss school, he told me he thought he was dying. 

I decided to stay home on Wednesday and we had a very quite day.  The little stinker got ahold of my iPhone and decided to take a few pictures:

His cute little drawings!

Hmm, I swear he was supposed be watching Zach and Cody while I showered!

Way cute piggies!

Very ingenious little guy!  He knows that I don't let him have free reign very often.  There is not telling what he would do!  I love the last picture.  I think I may have to scrap it!

A Little Cheese with that Whine

I am not a drinker.  I have never even had the desire to be.  In fact, the smell makes me nauseous and I hate the whole culture around it.  I just don't see any attraction to the vice.

That being said, I think that it is a very good thing that I have been brought up with the Word of Wisdom in my life and that I shy away from those addictive substances that are laid out there-in.  There are days that really make me understand why there are people who drink.  There is something inviting about the thought of drowning out reality and numbing the senses for a brief moment in time.

This will bring me to my next thought, that of whine.  Something so very different and so very similar.  The longer it goes on, the more robust and powerful it becomes.  At least for my children.  I believe they have it down to an art.  I am sure that every parent feels that way, but after an hour of baths and the bedtime routine, I am sure that mine take the cake.  What is so horrible about washing one's hair?  "BUUUUUT MOMMMMM!"  and "I already WAAAAASHED it!" are chorused throughout the entire hair washing experience.  My nine-year old, with hair down her back, needs occasional help in getting everything washed and rinsed.  But of course, WHYYYYYYYYY would I need to do this????

There is a certain tone with whining.  It isn't pleasant (much like the alcohol smell to me) and it really grates on my nerves.  It ebbs and flows, and it is all I can do to keep my patience with it.  That nasal tone makes me want to pull out my hair!!

Now, they are tucked in their beds, curled up in their blankets, hugging a doll or stuffed animal.  Their eyes are closed, eye lashes fanning on their cheeks.  Freshly washed and sweet smelling, the whining becomes a mere memory and I don't feel quite like running to the local wine store to drown out the chaos and turmoil...at least until tomorrow.

My Dream

A couple of years ago, I had a wonderful experience with someone I consider to be a mentor and good friend.  He sat down with me and a co-worker and we each came up with what we considered our 'dream'.  At the time, my dream was to have balance in my life, so I might have emotional and physical resources to give to my family and my job.  I feel that things have worked out rather well for me in that regard, and I even took a big leap in leaving that job to find one that would be better for my family as well as me.

I have had a 'dream' for a while now, something simmering on the back burner that I have lifted the lid on occasionally to stir and taste.  I haven't moved it to the front, but have been content to let it wait until it was ready.  I think that the time has come to move it forward.

Now, while I still want to have balance in my life, and that is the one thing that I will always strive for, sometimes more successfully than others, I have something else to take up a small piece of me.

In order for me to start on my dream, I wrote it out.  I put pen to paper, and that made it all the more real.  The process is simple....write down your dream and the steps you will take to achieve it.  Spend the majority of your time pursuing the top two items on the list and the rest will fall into place.  Seems really easy?  Perhaps in theory, but in practice, it is far from it.  Little niggling doubts creep in, but I think that I have found a way around them!

While on my mission, I had the experience of seeing missionaries follow a way of working, where they would 'covenant with the Lord' and they would experience the blessings of following through with what they had promised the Lord they would do.  I never had the opportunity to 'test' this theory, but I saw firsthand the blessings that came about.

Now this brings me back to my dream.  Is there a way to merge the two theories and experience the blessings of pursuing a talent the Lord has given me?  I truly believe there is.

After writing out my 'dream' or goal, if you are more familiar or comfortable with that vernacular, I made a list of ten actions that needed to take place in order for me to achieve this desire.  The first on the list was to pray.  How can I even imagine undertaking this journey with the help of my Father in Heaven?  The arm of the natural man is strong in me, but I know that I will not be able to even move one inch in the direction I need to without dropping to my knees in earnest prayer.  Second is renewed conviction to the scriptures.  I need to be reading the scriptures daily in order to feed my soul with the words that I need in order to make it through my day.

I won't post my dream here for all to see.  There are a couple of those who are close to me that know, but I'm not comfortable sharing quite yet.  I do feel that I am making progress though, with my list of ten actions, my dream set in ink, and my priorities on the right track.  I only pray that I will be able to do what I need to in order to be blessed with the ability to achieve my dream!

Booty

When has the word booty become acceptable in our society???  Especially in reference to someone's hind end? (You will notice I did not put a picture of that here....way too graphic!)

Tonight both of my kids were sitting in the back seat of the car, singing "Shake Your Booty" at the top of their lungs.  It is a song they have made up and think is hilarious.  I do not.

To my way of thinking, booty has always been something a baby wears on his or her feet, or for another stretch of the imagination, what a pirate takes for spoils.  When did it become copasetic to call my bottom, "booty"?  It horrifies me to think that my kids are picking up this type of language.

Those who know us well, know that we have always taught our children the correct anatomical labels for those body parts we name.  For example, it has been a huge source of hilarity to tell how many times Nigel has shouted "Your hurting my p#(@s!" every time we would pick him up.  Of course, that has backfired on us because we get strange looks from people in the grocery store.  One can never be too careful in today's society.  Perhaps because I have always had the aversion of "wee-wee" when referring to a boy's nether regions, booty seems to evoke the feelings of nails on a chalk board.

Perhaps I'm showing my age, or my strange sensibilities.  I can only hope that the "booty" stage goes away, and goes away quickly!!!!