Welcome to my digital writing journal, or mydigitalclutter. What started as a family blog almost two years ago has morphed into my writing therapy. This is where I do a lot of free writing, mostly about my life with my family and the things that catch my interest. While nowhere even close to perfect, in each post I like to see how my writing is changing with time and practice. Most posts are left unedited for this reason, so if you don't mind, take the journey with me.

Thursday, January 29, 2009

Do you...laugh or cry?

When I look at my children, my heart fills with such love that it aches.  There are other times when I don't know wether to cry or laugh when dealing with them.

Why do our children make us want to scream one minute because they are defiant and just plain stubborn and the next moment they are as cute as a button and saying the most darling things?  I don't know why this is such a common occurrence with parents and offspring.

One minute a child is screaming like a banshee and the next they are doing a happy jiggly dance, naked around the living room.  As a mother, I often find myself hiding behind my hand, trying to suppress the laughter that bubbles to the surface.  I know that at that point I should be disciplining the child about the importance of modesty (try explaining that to a five year old) and having some sense of decorum.  But, all I can do is giggle helplessly as I try to come up with a somber voice to tell the kid to get some clothes on!

Friday, January 23, 2009

Decadent Pleasures

What's your decadent pleasure?  Chocolate?  Time alone?  A trip to paradise?  All of the above?  I have to admit that while chocolate has at one point in my life, been a very good friend to me, it doesn't quite have the same pull it once did.  Perhaps I need better quality?  Regardless, it had come to my attention that I don't have much in terms of decadent pleasures, but I recently did endulge in what could become one.

Daniel gave me gift certificates for massages as a Christmas present. I may have found something that is for my own decadent enjoyment.  I have spent a half an hour each week, enjoying the benefits of this relaxing treatment.  For a mere 30 minutes, my mind goes blank and all I can imagine is the stress and chaos that has built up in my shoulders, slowly ebb away.

Some people are what I call high maintenance.  They get their hair done every six weeks, eye brows waxed, nails polished, and alway in tip top shape.  I can't say that I even have eyebrows to wax, and if I do, they are much blonder than my dark hair.  My hair, now much longer than in times past, gets neglected and often shoved into a pony tail.  My toes are not polished, but are chipped and horribly ugly (thank goodness it's winter and not sandal weather).  But due to my new exotic (for me) pastime, does this now make me high maintenance?

Is having a massage any different than partaking of a particularly sweet and tasty piece of chocolate?  Is it any different than spending money on perfectly manicured toes?  I don't think that it is.  Don't get me wrong, I do enjoy each of these things at times, but they aren't the thing that I seek when looking for the "me" moment.  I suppose we each have our temptations.

Wednesday, January 21, 2009


A very short post tonight, just to say that I have finished a book that I LOVED!  Dragonfly in Amber by Diana Gabaldon.  You may have seen a post about her a couple of weeks ago when I was finishing up the first in her Outlander series.  This is the second book and amazing!  Daniel thought I was crazy to get so emotionally caught up in a book when he literally saw me sobbing towards the end of it!

Nigel was adorable and got me tissues and kept asking if I was okay.  Of course I am!  I just forgot for a moment that it was fiction and I wasn't living in pages.  I have book three but I'm resisting for a bit until I can recover from the emotional roller coaster.  Of course book two left a cliff hanger of an ending and I need to get going to find out what happens next!!!!

Tuesday, January 20, 2009

What do you do?

I have a quandary.  Do I sit and fester in the mire of negativity or do I brush it off and walk forward, excited about prospects in other arenas.

Today, the "muck" of other's opinions and unsolicited opinions really had me bitter, to the very taste of it in my mouth.  You could see my lips make the pursing line and my nose scrunch up in disgust.  I wondered what type of day this person had or what gave him or her the presumptuous idea to play omniscient towards others, treating them as minions.  Something else I wonder, does this mean that this person has a very small self-esteem and they enjoy making others feel discomforted to ensure self-fulfillment?

The dichotomies of these personalities gives way to the thought that these personalities go hand in hand and aren't all that separate.  Do all those who are the football captains and head cheerleaders (sorry for the stereotypes) really harbor feelings of insignificance or is it just this person's maniacal regard for all things in his or her domain that precipitates the meanness.

Thinking long and hard over the dilemma, I've decided that truly there is no other avenue but to take the higher road and brush it aside.  I've complained and vented here and without naming names have felt the load lift off my shoulders.  Really, isn't it this person's own burden to bear, that he or she can't be nice?  It isn't my load to shoulder and I have enough of my own foibles to rectify.  

It was a good time to have the mirror of self-regard turned towards me after experiencing the biting words from this person.  Do I ever come across this way???  I hope and pray that I will be aware before my actions or words do to a person what this one did to me.

Sunday, January 18, 2009

I survived, barely.

I'm not quite sure how I did it, but somehow I survived the Saturday chaos of Abbie's birthday party.  As the day wore on, I wore out, but the energy of 18 girls, some with imaginations, some with little interest in anything other than being entertained was a sight to behold.  I don't know if the party could be called a success or not, but I'm glad that it is over.  Abbie made out like a bandit, partly from my own negligence in forgetting to say "no gifts" on the invitations.  She loved it though.

How does one get to this point of acquiescing to throw a party for this many girls?  I don't know.  The things we do for those we love.

Now if I can avoid having that many boys for Nigel, I will be very happy.  He is now interested in having a party of his own.  I think one every 5 years is plenty, at least for this mommy!!!

Thursday, January 15, 2009

Do you ever feel like this???

Do you ever feel like you are barely keeping your head above water?  I do.  This week especially, I feel like the pig, with the snout just skimming the surface of the water.

With all the crazy things going on at work and the crazy schedule at home, I've managed to maintain my water treading ability, but I worry that the birthday party will cause me to sink. 

Now, don't get me wrong, I'm excited about the party and how happy that Abbie will be.  I'm just not too sure how I'll do it all.

So, this picture is to remind you and me that regardless of what life is throwing at you, or what you've signed up for, just keep swimming!!!

Tuesday, January 13, 2009

My new reading fascination

I have read an amazing book by Diana Gabaldon and am hooked on her series called Outlander.
Such a yummy read!  Now, those of you who know me well, know that I am a voracious reader.  I have tried to find the next book in the series in a number of places and just can't seem to catch a break.  I was getting really frustrated and ended up at Amazon.com to order Dragonfly in Amber, the second book in the series.  Today I finaly (after what seemed like forever) the UPS man brought me my next installment of time travel in Scotland.  Don't let that very poor description cause you to bypass these books!  I devoured the first one in a week and loved it.  Now for my next guilty pleasure!!
Hmm, I wonder why one image is larger than the other when I sized them the same???  Sometimes I don't get this Blogger bit.  I've always had an affinity for Scotland, so my heritage must be showing.  This is just whetting my appetite for more of the Highland images.  Perhaps I'll go there someday.  That is my dream vacation.  Forget sandy beaches and warm tropical breezes.  Give me the heather and wind rippling off the loch and I'll be happy!

Monday, January 12, 2009

Sometimes it shocks me....

I tried to upload this post yesterday, but Blogger wouldn't cooperate....

I'm a MOM!  Yesterday was Abbie's ninth birthday, and it took me back to the day she was born and the amazing event that it was.  I don't have any digital pictures of that time, because I didn't have a digital camera then, but here is my darling girl now:
I can't believe how fast the time has gone.  Wasn't it just yesterday that I held her in my arms? We are so lucky that she is part of our family.  She brings us such joy!  Now if I can only survive the birthday party with 20 girls!  (I guess I'm hoping that some don't show up!!)

Happy Birthday Abbie!!!

Tuesday, January 6, 2009

Out of the dregs of sorrow comes.....my children!

These two little darlings can get anyone out of the doldrums.  I started scrapping Sunday night, after my post, and this made me feel a whole lot better about life.  Here are two beings that are straight from our Heavenly Father, vibrant and full of hope.  Although there are days when I get frustrated with the breakdowns at Wal-Mart (tonight) it always seems that they can turn my frown upside down!  (Primary songs are always appropriate ways to express feelings!)

Here are a couple of pages I've been doing.  As always, I suck at credits, so be assured that I used a digital template and kits, not of my own creation, but of someone much more computer savvy than I am!!!
Abbie at her piano recital on December 18, 2008 at the Layton Library Auditorium.  She played really well!
A couple of Christmas pics of gifts.  Look at Nigel cheesing it up with his Red Robot.  He calls him "Red Clawson"!
Of course the traditional Christmas Jammies!  What family doesn't do this, I wonder.  Oh, that's right, mine didn't when I was growing up...so why do I do it now?  Beats me! :)
Abbie and her games.  She is a game fanatic!

I have more photos to scrap, but this is what I had done.  I'm just so lucky to have kids like this, who are so good.  I certainly do love them!!!

Sunday, January 4, 2009

A trip down amnesia lane....

What an interesting day.  I have taken a trip down amnesia lane, and delved into the depths of the hideous time known as high school.  For all that I can speculate, I can't come up with the reason for why the short three or four years spent in a concrete edifice would shape ones life to such an extent.  I don't remember some of the names and faces of those who were friends and  I don't remember some of the moments that supposedly shaped my life.  On the other hand, while joining Facebook has helped me reconnect with some of those that I have truly missed, there are others that I really don't mind if I connect with again.

I found out today that my high school Newspaper advisor passed away a couple of years ago.  I just haven't kept in touch with anyone from those days, so I never found out the sad news.  It really made me feel like there are some parts of those days that I treasure and kick myself for not keeping in touch with those people who meant a lot to me.  

My good friend Shelly told me that I have to go to my 20 year high school reunion so that we can see how so many of these people have turned out.  At least if I go with her, I will have someone to talk to.  Her husband and I graduated the same time, and she graduated a year after.  It was only after moving into the same ward after having kids, that we became friends.

I just don't see the attraction, but it is like a train wreck.  I can't stop looking and reliving some of the things that were part of my life at that time.  But, there are things that happened that shaped me into who I am today.  I often attribute many of my life altering moments to my time spent in Uruguay and not to high school.  I suppose in a way I'll have to do a bit of rethinking.  I still don't know if one could get me to go to my high school reunion, but perhaps I'll get reacquainted with some of my friends and just see....

Friday, January 2, 2009

The absolute frustration

There are days when everything seems to go just fine, but overshadowing the accomplishments, hangs the storm clouds of discontent.  Today has been one of those days.

I worked like crazy today, with very little in terms of accolades or recognition.  That wouldn't bother me normally, but today it grated on my nerves.  It was as if I have been taken for granted one too many times.  While I was away, my husband and children had a lazy day, not even changing out of the jammies all day.  I don't fault them for this, but just wish I could have participated in it with them.

While reeling from this discontent, I came home and sat at my computer and started to write.  The words wouldn't come and felt like I had hit a brick wall.  I'm not talking about blog writing, but putting pen to paper for the images that were swirling in my head.  It has been a stalemate.  That particular feeling just pushed me over the edge into the dark side.  I went to bed.

So, to help myself feel like I've accomplished something for myself today, I'm blogging.  There is no rhyme or reason to my ramblings, but the comforting fact that my keyboard is clicking along and I sound productive.  My late evening nap hasn't restored my energy, so I may end up back in bed, sleeping away the night, dreaming of a new attitude tomorrow.

Eleanor Roosevelt said: "The future belongs to those who believe in the beauty of their dreams."  Are my dreams enough to accomplish what I have set out to do?  Does my future really belong to me?  Am I the author of my own destiny and journey?  I suppose that those questions are not to be answered in a mere few moments of introspection, but will take a lifetime to discover.  I am impatient and expect things to be displayed exactly to my own specifications and time frame.

So, while I have had a dark day, tomorrow may be brighter.  I will go back to bed, and wake up in the morning with a new sense of purpose and will try again.  I just can't give up.  Just start to write.
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