The other morning was a difficult one and I left for work chastising myself, feeling like I was a terrible mother, and wondering if I should just drive off and never return.
It all started with a fight about socks. Yes. Socks. Nige didn't want to wear the socks that were in his drawer. Then, after finding something he would wear, there was the fight over snow boots and tennis shoes, with him flinging whatever he was wearing across his bedroom. After a lot of quietly informing him of the unacceptability of his actions, I got to point that I just couldn't take it any more. I yelled. Yes, I yelled. Looking at the sweet face above, I have a hard time believing that I could even look at the kid cross-eyed, let alone yell. But I did. It wasn't pretty. In the throes of a temper tantrum, tears and sobs included, I was yelling at him. I just made him cry harder. The kid couldn't be persuaded to do anything he wasn't willing to do.
After taking him to the sitter's house, and spending at least 5 minutes talking to him about going in, and his pleas of asking to be taken to work with me, I left for work, tears streaming down my face. Nigel is six. He is too young to know what buttons to push on me isn't he? Or has he some devious idea of how much this tore my heart into tiny pieces? I was betting on the second option that morning.
I've tried to narrow down what causes the cataclysmic meltdowns on this kid. There doesn't seem to by any rhyme or reason, but they just come and devastate me all the same. This morning it is all about taking a bath and getting ready for the Primary activity in an hour. Not to mention eating a cold piece of Ghiradelli pizza from Pier 49 that has been in the fridge overnight. Sorry kid, mom gets to win on that one hands down, no amount of tears will sway me!
So, after all of that, I just sit back and wonder how I can be a better mother to this kid. How come he is just so darn stubborn and no amount of cajoling and threats seem to make him do anything he doesn't want to? I suppose his spirit is just some sort of super spirit, saved for the last days when he can resist anything. Even his mom.