Welcome to my digital writing journal, or mydigitalclutter. What started as a family blog almost two years ago has morphed into my writing therapy. This is where I do a lot of free writing, mostly about my life with my family and the things that catch my interest. While nowhere even close to perfect, in each post I like to see how my writing is changing with time and practice. Most posts are left unedited for this reason, so if you don't mind, take the journey with me.

Thursday, September 17, 2009

Mommy Meltdowns

Yesterday I had a “mommy meltdown” where I questioned my ability to mother my children with any sense of accomplishment or skill.  I totally sucked as a mom.  How do I know this?  I sent my children to school, not knowing it was picture day. (In my defense, I did think picture day was next week, but that didn’t cut their hair or put cute outfits on my children!)  Abbie called me from school in tears because I didn’t have the order forms for them.  Yep, I totally rock! (Heavy sarcasm inflection here.) Here is my rant regarding school pictures:
  1.   They are extremely expensive for what you get.  Hello!  I really need a package of just an 8x10 and a couple of 5x7’s for the grandparents, so why do I have to buy the $26 plus package to get that and a bunch of stuff I don’t need/want!
  2. The quality isn’t so great.  I’m a fan of spontaneous, candid portraiture, not the cheesy smiles my children make when coaxed by a school photographer.
  3. Old Navy Flag T’s and camo pants.  Enough said.
So, because Daniel  ‘guilted’ me into purchasing a package of the pictures so my children will see the progression from kindergarten onward, I ran to the school, wet hair and all to drop off the order forms for expensive pictures where my children will look like ragamuffins.  Yep, a great mommy moment right there, for everyone to see.  There is a picture re-take day…right?

I’m sure everyone has days where they feel sorry for themselves, doubt their worth, and just can’t seem to find the light at the end of the tunnel.   Really, if you haven’t had a day like that, you are lying to yourself!  How does one cope?  What are the techniques of dealing with it?  My skill set included a large Diet Dr. Pepper and some Ghirardelli chocolate.  I “rocked out” and cleaned the living room.  I didn’t write a single word in my notebook.  I festered, and I moped, kind of.  I closed my mind to the chaos, and didn’t worry about anything but the moment.

Guess what…..I feel better today!  I have a new outlook and sense of direction.  Perhaps that is what I needed to get back on track, to sit and read with my kids, snuggle them a little closer, and not focus on EVERYTHING that is pulling me in so many directions.  I can only eat the elephant, one bite at a time, and honestly, I’ll only get frustrated if I try to devour it whole.

Why do we have this burning desire to be perfect?  IT ISN’T POSSIBLE IN THIS LIFE!!!!  Why can’t I remember that?  Oh, I can be perfect at a few things, (though the thought escapes me for what specifically), but it really isn’t possible to be perfect at everything.

Mommy meltdowns are okay.  They make me sit back and re-evaluate where my priorities are and what I need to be working on.  I can’t let the “stuff” of life get in the way of what is really important…my family.
*Thanks to Google for the image.*

4 Lovely Scribbles to Me:

Emily Sorensen said...

Teri - Everyone has their rough days, and everyone is entitled to them! You ARE a great mother! I knew that fact even before you had kids, through your loving nature and fun personality.

I think we are forced to be imperfect, so that we can learn to rely on the only One that is perfect. ....And maybe so we aren't so quick to judge the other imperfect people around us.

I love the way you write -P.S. I laughed out loud several times. Wishing you all the best days ahead!

ElanaJ said...

There's ALWAYS re-take day. And don't sweat it. They're just pictures. No one's going to care next year anyway. ;-)

Terresa said...

We aren't doing picture day this year, at least not in the fall. Two of my 3 school-aged kids have cold sores. There's always spring pictures. And picts taken @ home turn out better anyhow! ;)

MomBabe said...

I am all too familiar with the mommy meltdown. And MAYBE they'll take really awesome pictures because you forgot... because that's how life works sometimes.

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