A difficult day

Today has been extremely difficult.  After a couple of weeks of waiting, I found out today that the job in the Registrar's office is not going to be filled due to budget cuts.  While I was the top candidate, and would have the job if they could offer it, I am without it because of budgetary reasons.  It has been hard to take, because I was really wanted the opportunity to move up.

I have reflected a lot today about the state of my mind and of the exterior world.  Internally, I am experiencing chaos and uncertainty.  I was so excited to know that I was wanted and that they were thrilled with what I had to offer....but there is a part of me that aches that I won't be able to do it now.

I'm sure that other opportunities will arise and that I will be able to do it.  Perhaps this is a blessing in disguise and that it will allow me to pursue my other interests, gnawing at my soul.  I don't know that there is a certain answer, but this ride has been very interesting so far.  Perhaps I will have something later.

Daniel has been wonderful.  He borrowed a projector and we are watching Ironman on the wall of the family room.  We may need to get something like this for all the time!  It certainly gives it the big screen feeling, while lying on the couch in my jammies.  I don't think that I can express how good it feels to have someone looking out for me and taking care of the emotional needs that seem to be flowing out of me.

While the future is as uncertain as it can be, the ride will be interesting.