Welcome to my digital writing journal, or mydigitalclutter. What started as a family blog almost two years ago has morphed into my writing therapy. This is where I do a lot of free writing, mostly about my life with my family and the things that catch my interest. While nowhere even close to perfect, in each post I like to see how my writing is changing with time and practice. Most posts are left unedited for this reason, so if you don't mind, take the journey with me.

Monday, April 27, 2009

It's a Privilege

So, since Dan decided to try out Netflix, I have been watching movies like crazy. Some are dear favorites, such as the BBC version of Pride and Prejudice, which I have adored since I saw it, when it originally aired. (I know, that makes me soooo old, and I should just buy it already!) Others are those I thought looked good, but never saw at the theatre.

Today, I had a couple of movies that no one else would want to watch, but I had wanted to, so while the kids were playing, I popped one into the computer and cleaned the kitchen while I watched "The Nanny Diaries." Hmmm, what can I say? Seriously disturbing on so many levels, yet there seemed to be a moral to the story. Enjoy the privilege of being the parent (mother) to your children.

I had an "ah-ha" moment. I believe that many times every mother can't see past the drudgery of day to day life with their children. Wether they are home 100% of the time, work outside the home, parent toddlers or teenagers, there are days where we all wonder if it is all worth it. Days that are dark and depressing, (think PPD here) to days where one just can't function without a Dr. Pepper, are sprinkled between days of pure bliss and joy, but during the darkness we can't see the light at the end of the tunnel. These days do not make us bad, unloving, or even unqualified mothers. In fact, if you were to tell me you NEVER felt insignificant or worried about your ability to mother, I would say you lived in a fantasy world. It is just one of Satan's clever ways to get us to doubt our self-worth.

My moment today was that I had been a little self-centered in my thinking lately. While I was "saying" all the right things and attempting to "do" all the right things, I was doing it all for me and not for those most important in my life. My kids are fantastic and wonderful and I love them. I just need to make sure that all the laundry and cooking I'm doing is for their benefit and not for the bragging rights of an overworked, over stressed, and under appreciated mom.

My kids are extremely independent and vocal individuals. They can't be told what to do or how to do it without some sort of assertion of their own independence. As I have said before, if channeled correctly, they will be rock solid during their teen years when it comes to peer pressure! At least that is my hope!☻ I have the amazing privilege to be their mother. I am the one who gets to see the fruits that they will produce in this life and know that they deserve every good thing that comes their way. It is a new mantra that I will practice time and time again as my kids try my patience, "I am privileged to have them!"

We didn't have the easiest time having children. We went through quite a bit of heartache and loss before we were blessed with Abbie in our lives. I miscarried five times before my pregnancy with her "stuck" as my doctor put it. I vowed that I would never take having children for granted because I knew how much it took for me to get one here, but that was before I was in the trenches of barf and poop, tantrums and terrors. Oh, I don't take them for granted now. I never really could. I thank the Lord every single day for them and pray for the guidance to be a good mother to them, everything that they deserve. It is easy to loose perspective sometimes.

Motherhood is a privilege. Don't we know it! When our little ones crawl up in bed with us, or snuggle on the couch. When they bring home a perfect report card, or win the big game. These are times when it is easy to remember what a privilege it is to be there for them. I only pray that I can continue to remember it when they talk back, scribble on the walls, or scream at me for brushing their hair (an entirely different post, believe me)!

Just looking at the photo above, I can honestly say, that I'm not sure why they chose me for their mother, but I'm sure glad they did. May I only live up to the privilege of being their mother!

1 Lovely Scribbles to Me:

Terresa said...

great post. thanks for the review of "nanny diaries" -- it sounds creepy, I think I'll skip it. ;)

remembering that mothering is a privilege is hard to do all the time. But rewarding when we remember and get into our groove.

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