Welcome to my digital writing journal, or mydigitalclutter. What started as a family blog almost two years ago has morphed into my writing therapy. This is where I do a lot of free writing, mostly about my life with my family and the things that catch my interest. While nowhere even close to perfect, in each post I like to see how my writing is changing with time and practice. Most posts are left unedited for this reason, so if you don't mind, take the journey with me.

Wednesday, January 6, 2010

The Chaos That Is My Life

My life is chaos, utter, unadulterated chaos.  Yesterday I had a bad day.  Feelings of helplessness and anger seemed to be the only things that entered into my consciousness.  There was a point where I closed my office door, laid my head on my desk, strewn with various papers, and cried.  My tears were for the time that seemed wasted, that could have been spent with my children.  The waterworks continued as I thought about my frustrations with employees, processes and again, time that could have been spent doing things with my children.  Do you see the thing that bothered me the most?

Today as I race from one activity or another, (luckily I can type this while my daughter dances) I feel the chaos again, seeming to press in on me, and the trials of yesterday return.  I don't have a door to close or a desk to rest on in order to allow the tears to well up in my eyes.  Yet, I will continue on as we make the Wednesday night rounds.

My mantra for this year is Balance.  I don't think I'm doing very well today.  I'm allowing myself to become overwhelmed with the fact my Christmas tree is sitting only half put away, my kitchen sink doesn't want to drain, and my mountains of laundry are never ending.  Tonight I am with my children, even though we aren't in the comfort of our own home.  I should be grateful for the time, something I lamented yesterday, and I am.

Here is my question, do we ever learn to balance it all?

*Thanks to Google for the image*

9 Lovely Scribbles to Me:

L.T. Elliot said...

I don't know that we ever balance it all--not all at the same time. I find peace in the coming dawn. It's a new slate, a new day. And since I can only take them one at a time, I figure that this next one, I'm going to do better than the one before it.
Hang in there. *Hugs*

One Cluttered Brain said...

Amen to what LT Elliot said!
I agree.
Each day is new. We can wipe the slate clean and try again.
Hang in there. Things will get better.
Perhaps letting the Lord take our burdens for a time is what you need...((((HUGS))))
Wish I could be there for you to help with the dishes and laundry...and helping to take down the tree....

2busy said...

No, I don't think we ever become completely balanced. We can try...Just when you think you have got things balanced, something happens to tip the scale. Happens every time...

Terresa said...

Do less. Clear out the things in your life that aren't necessary. Sharpen the saw (Stephen Covey style).

I have friends who have started their children in various sports and music, only to pull back and have a period (self induced) of down time.

We all need it. Find some ways to do it. Maybe take a "sick day" and spend it to tackle a few things that have been piling up.

New year, new start, right?

destrella said...

It is an on-going effort daily put into process. Some days are just harder. Know that each day is new and has new hope to be better. Hugs and blessings to you! :O)

Geoff and Emily said...

Thanks for this post. I find comfort in knowing that I am not alone in my feelings of being completely overwhelmed with life. I know I don't work outside the home, so some of the trials are different, but I have struggles every day with feeling like I have no quality time with my family because of chronic pain and SO much to always do. I guess the key is to learn to muddle along the best you can and just fake it until you make it. If I tell myself each day when I wake up that I love life, then it seems better...even if it's not. Hang in there! By the way, you never appear to be living in chaos from the outside! Hope it gets better for you soon! (p.s. come to my house if you want to feel better about how dirty your house seems! Actually, don't - I'd be MORTIFIED!)

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Stacy Dean said...

i haven't been here for awhile! but can i just second this post: sometimes i feel like i have month long stints of bad days. then i remember the blessings in between but still. sometimes-life.is.suck.

love the blog background! all the christmas cuteness makes me smile :)

Pendragon said...

balance seems to elude me as well. I have a beautiful harp, and yet i only find time to practice when it's a last minute request. My husband and i want children of our own, yet day in and day out for years now we have none, and the house is still a mess. i'm not sure where the balance of faith and miracles meet.

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