Just Plow Through

The weather has been pretty nice the past few days with the sun shining and skies clear.  That is, until this morning.  After getting to work, it dumped about three to four inches.  I've been watching the grounds crew try to keep up with onslaught, plowing the sidewalks again and again.  I think the walk that passes my by my office window had plows at least seven times this morning.  They are extra diligent today, and I started to think about plowing through.

I live in perpetual state of guilt and stress.  It may be my type-a personality, or genetics.  It could be environmental, or self-inflicted.  Truth be told, it is probably a combination of each of those factors.  Such as my lot in life is, I worry about every little thing, and in the end, make myself guilty and sick over things outside my control.

Case in point: I've wanted to sit down and write the story that keeps running through my head.  I've brainstormed, I've simmered, I've jotted down notes, but nothing seems to take shape.  So, I am mad at myself, because it is a dream, a desire, and a wish.  I have notebooks with scribbles, a blog of entries, but when it comes down to it, nothing substantial.  So, starts the guilt.  I must not want it enough.  If I did, I would just write and get it done.  Then, the other guilt starts.  So, how do I find time, working full time?  Being a lackluster mom on most days, how do I carve some writing time?  After a long day, who wants to write?  I can barely keep my eyes open by 9:30 pm, so over and over the excuses and guilt, and sickness takes over.

Yesterday seemed to be a tipping point for me.  I've been trudging along, trying to keep it together for a lot of those who depend on me.  I knew if I fell apart, I would feel guilty about it later, for causing stress to those I love.  I was feeling alone, unappreciated, and unloved.  Not true in any way shape or form, but when one is in a funk, feelings and reality don't line up very well.  Plowing through was the furthest thing from my mind.

Watching the plows make the various passes across the sidewalks, it was like a light went off in my head.  Why aren't I plowing through, time after time, no matter how much snow accumulates?  It made me feel like a dunce that I need something to hit me over the head to get me to realize that I can do it if I just plow through.

I wrote today.  I got almost 1000 words down.  I'm sure it is crap, but it's a start.  If I just plow through, I will make some progress.  If I just plow through, I can get back to the happy person I should be everyday.  If I just plow through, I may see the cement!

Thanks so Google Images for the photo!

A Bee in my Bonnet

This past week I've had several "bee in my bonnet" episodes.  It started with painting both of the bedrooms my children use.  First, they had to be shoveled out and fumigated.  I don't know how two young children can create so much garbage!  Of course the majority of it was paper.  I think our elementary school has single-handedly killed off a forest with the number of notes that come home.  But, after several days of sleeping in the family room, Abbie and Nigel have finally returned to their bedrooms.  Of course cleaner and better painted than before.  I am thrilled with how the rooms turned out, and both children are excited to have a sense of "owness" that wasn't there before.  I will not make too much of a commentary as to the wall of the bedrooms before.  Everyone has an individual style and I can't judge, but only say it wasn't mine.  I just feel badly about taking so long to get around to doing the job.

"Before" pictures only--will have "after" pictures later.

Next up, my sister-in-law Becky and I had a sewing weekend.  We accomplished quite a bit and completed 7 rag quilts with four more designed and ready to be sewn.  We make a pretty good team as she designs and I sew.  Hopefully she can sell them and we can get more done soon!

Lastly, today I decided it was time to change up the ol' blog.  I tried my hand at designing a header and what-not.  I'm not sure I like it, but thought it was time for a change.  Perhaps it is just a learning experience that will morph into something else in time.

So much has happened over the past few weeks, as we rush to and fro, that time seems to drift between cracks in my sanity.  The next thing I will know, the school year will be done, summer time activities will be in full swing, and I will be wondering where January went.  At least one thing is for certain, I accomplished quite a bit during the month, even if my dishes don't get done!

In which I've been a horrible blogger...

Merry Christmas!  I haven't been much of a blogger of late.  I wish it were due to the fact I'm scribbling away at an amazing manuscript, but I can't say that in the slightest.  It has truly been a lack of motivation on my part, and for that I must apologize.  Perhaps a new resolution in the coming weeks will help?  I doubt it, but one can hope!

We had an amazing and quiet Holiday this year.  Abbie was sick all of Christmas Eve, and with that, we didn't do all of our traditional Christmas observances.  Yes, we did get out our little "Christmas" dishes, but where she wasn't able to keep anything down, only Daniel and Nigel participated.  We did read the Christmas story from Luke 2, as always, but Abbie was in bed by 6:30, so it was a little earlier and quieter than normal.

Luckily the sickness passed and Christmas morning brought smiles, and joy to our household.  Here are some pictures of our day, along with a few from earlier in the week with a family party and Christmas recital.  I post more to Facebook, but this is just a sampling.

As the year winds to a quick close, I am sure we will start pondering New Year's resolutions, (something I hate!) and I vow to write more.  I have a quandary that I have been mulling over, and putting words down may make it the decision for me.  May you and yours have a marvelous continuation of the Holiday season!  All our love to our family and friends!

It's Snowing

It is snowing today, although it did start out as rain.  I think that fall is turning into winter quickly, and I'm not sure I'm ready.  We did get Nige a new coat over the weekend, as he is growing by leaps and bounds.  Just in the nick of time, I'd say.  I've been watching the flakes fall outside my office window, with my space heater cranked up to dry my tootsies.

While we are embarking on the Holiday season of Thanks and Giving, I thought I would share our Halloween memories from this year. Another wet day, but it was fun nonetheless.  My Indy and mad scientist had a blast, until they were too wet to keep going.

Nigel as Indiana Jones

They are getting too big!

All the ratting and spraying of her hair was a chore.  It was awesome for about 20 minutes though.

Abbie and her science experiment and Nige freaking out about a possible explosion.

As we continue in our crazy, out of control life, my days flow into one another, and before I know it, Christmas will have come and gone.  Oh to slow the hands of the clock and enjoy the moments before they are gone forever.

It's Unlawful to Feed Alligators

The best sign of the trip!

There are days when something will spur a memory.  It could be a smell, a sight, an address, a song.  The list goes on and on.  Perhaps it is the sight of a burnished autumn leaf, gently falling to the ground against the brilliant blue of the sky that takes you back to time when piles of leaves beckoned to be jumped in.

It hit me today as I opened a fax at work.  It came from Fort Benning in Georgia and I was suddenly transported back to a trip my family took in September of 2007.  It was the first plane ride for my youngest, and probably the first my daughter will remember.  The air was humid, hot, and we were tired from the red eye.  Something as small as the address on a fax cover sheet had the power to bring back delightful memories and twinges of sadness for me, of a trip we took years ago.

This is Nigel's reaction when the plane started to take off!

Abbie is old hat at this!

There is a certain smell, chemical in nature that hits me occasionally reminding me of time spent in cold concrete houses, space heaters, and thick wool sweaters. The smell comes from propane tanks, and though here, more than a decade later, I rarely smell it in my everyday existence, I will find my memories taking me to a mildewed heaven where I learned more about myself than at any other time in my life.  I will taste ravioli and white sauce, a milenesa breaded to perfection and my soul years for those dear friends I have lost touch with over the years, all because of a smell.

A song from the late ‘80s, early 90’s will strike discord in my heart.  It reminds me of times when choices and associations weren’t always the best and I wonder how I made it through largely unscathed.  Other songs bring with them nights of giggles, shopping cart races, band trips, and newspaper parties.

When Daniel and I married, the reception center was interested in a sensory experience.  Fresh flowers adorned the tables, with lavender and tiny orchids to evoke a scent that would remind those in attendance of our nuptials when those scents wafted to their noses in the months that followed.  I don’t know how well it worked for those well wishers, but for me, I see lavender and I smile.  I want to grow bushes of lavender in my yard because it reminds me of love, or at least the day when I felt as though I could burst with it.

We are a sensory people.  We like to touch, smell, taste, hear.  The sight of freshly fallen snow and the aching quiet that seems to echo along the street are sensations I look forward to ever winter.  The twinkle of Christmas lights against the black night, or orange gourds and autumnal leaves are sure signs of an impending holiday.  Add to that, the scent of freshly baked pumpkin pie, or the steam rising off a batch of rolls, and my stomach starts to grumble at the thought of a Thanksgiving feast to match all my wildest fantasies.

My children take after their father.  They are touchy people, snuggling, kissing, hugging, touching.  They aren’t quite as happy as they could be unless they are touching someone.  Last night, my little guy came into my room, crawled in bed with me and stuck his cold feet on my legs.  When I asked why he wasn’t ensconced in his own bed, I could hear the smile in his voice as he replied, “You’re warmer!”  I became a mommy sandwich for a bit, touched on both sides and I wouldn’t trade it for the world.

Where would we be without our sensory memories?  I am sure I would forget a few of those friends, or moments in my life if there weren’t something there to job me to a certain place and time.  Perhaps tomorrow, I will see the address of someone who will transport me back to Uruguay, or a candle that will indeed spark the holiday season in my heart.  I can’t wait!

Change and the Bathroom Stall

We are creatures of habit and comfort.  It all began so long ago when your favorite blanket was in the wash and your mother handed you a substitute.  It didnít go over very well.  It wasn't the same, and so you weren't satisfied.  Thus began the path of abhorrence to change.

When I was in college, I had an English instructor that had us do an exercise to purposely change up something in our lives.  She talked about how we would always go to the same bathroom stall in a building, because it was comfortable.  She challenged us to go into a different one to see how we felt.  At the time, it seemed like an exercise in futility, as I had never noticed if I frequented one stall over another in the ancient building.

I don't remember the writing assignment that followed, but for some very odd reason, I remember always using the second stall to the left when I was in that building.  Every. Single. Time.  It was as if, by sheer mention of it, I suddenly became aware of a habit that I didn't know I had.  It was comical, as I tried to use a different stall.  It seemed wrong, almost as if I were cheating on the one that I had used up to that point.

Why all this talk of public restrooms?  Last week at work we had a speaker come for a customer service seminar.  In our discussion, she talked about change and how change can throw us all for a loop, but it is essential to change our perspective of how things really are.  She drove to work once, and didn't remember the drive.  At. All.  Scary to think of it that way!  She was terrified to think of relying on muscle memory to get her to her destination.  She drove home a different way, to change things up, and make herself be aware of her surroundings.  She looked at things with a different perspective.  It brought to mind the public restroom experiment I had participated in while attending college.  Did she feel as though she cheated on her normal route?  Probably at first, but the sheer essence of change of habit caused her to view things around her in a new way.

I thought of this again today, as I walked to the restroom in my building.  I seem to always favor the first stall, though the second one will do if the first one is occupied.  How did I become so complacent?  I think it's time to change things up.  After all, I don't think I've cheated on my bathroom stall for a while.

*Thanks to Google for the image*

A Bit of Spewage (Yes, I do know that really isn't a word!)

spew/spyo͞o/Verb

1. Expel large quantities of (something) rapidly and forcibly.

2. Be poured or forced out in large quantities: "oil spewed out of the damaged tanker". 

(Courtesy of Dictionary.com)

Tonight I am going to spew.  Oh, I'm not sure how large the quantity of words will be, but I'm furiously and rapidly typing on my keyboard.  My poor keys are suffering from the force, and I take a quite moment to apologize.  There is so much going through my head right now, that I want to get it all down, but inevitably, I will have to go to bed, so I will be forced to settle for the ramblings I can put down.

Image from Google

1. Yesterday as I was walking across the parking lot, a kid (there is no other way to describe him) had some pretty harsh music pumping, enough to deaden the eardrums of the next county.  Of course, he has the right to play whatever music he wants, even laden with vulgar and disturbing imagery, not to mention the crude and morally questionable lyrics.  I say, hurray for the right to listen to this trash.  On the other hand, I hold umbrage with having my ears assaulted with such filth.  When did it become okay for the rights of others to infringe of my rights of silence and solace?

2.  Speaking of music, I have a new musical crush.  Daniel and I watched "Dan in Real Life" last weekend.  I was completely enthralled with the movie, but especially the music.  I took a quick trip to Amazon and purchased the soundtrack.  It has been lovely balm to my ears listening to Sondre Lerche.  Give him a try, and while your at it, if you haven't seen the movie, it was a good one.  (That is saying a lot, because I'm not a movie person!)

3. Work has been absolutely chaotic this past week.  Communication nightmares with employees and putting out fires that seem to crop up at every turn.  I've made myself sick with worry and my poor immune system defeated me and I ended up with a cold that won't go away.  Why is it when you can't take time off, you seem to need it the most?

4.  My dear daughter is starting to suffer the effects of pre-teen hormonal tendencies.  Tonight she screamed at me when I asked her to practice.  In fact, her words were, "I'm sorry I'm not perfect!"  Um, isn't that the whole reason we practice?  Because we aren't?  It's a lesson that I hope she is learning, and that I'm teaching in a way she will understand.  We are clashing and at odds as to what is acceptable at school, home, and everywhere in between.  I'm told this stage can come and go quickly, but then again, it can last until she is thirty.  I'm sure I never caused my own mother this much anguish! (Said very sarcastically, because she is thrilled I have a daughter.  Just. Like. Me.)

5.  My house is a total and utter disaster.  I'm not saying this in a, "oops, you caught me with the dishes in the sink!" way, but "Holy cow, what category was that tornado that hit your house?!" kind of way.  We have been on the go for days now, with only scant time for household chores.  Everything has fallen behind.  I am now going to be the mean mom and suck all the fun out of a Saturday to see if we can even come close to making some sense to all the clutter and debris.  It's gross.  I promise.  Don't come by.

Image from Shoe.com

6.  I had a lot of compliments on my shoes today.  I know, that is completely vain and self-absorbed.  To be honest, today I needed it.  When things seem to spiral out of control in my life, I do like to do it in a nice pair of heels.  I found a steal a couple of weeks ago at DSW, a burgundy pair of heels, patent leather.  They are adorable.  Of course, Daniel thinks I'm a bit much, wearing them with a yellow sweater, but hey, it's all about the attitude.

7. I went almost two weeks without talking to my mom.  Yes, horrifying, I know.  With as busy as we all are, it seems as though time slips away before we know it.  She called yesterday and we caught up on everyone's illnesses and gave updates on school for the kids, and so forth.  I realized that I haven't had a play date with my own mom for some time. I think that is next on the agenda after cleaning the house, some quality mom time.  I think I'll bring Ab along for the ride.  I can use some time playing with her as well.  Perhaps we'll go crazy and paint our nails.  Black.  Cool.

Image from Google

8. Last night I spent time basking in the sweet stanzas of a poet in my neighborhood.  She read us a few poems, talked about them, and read some of her own creations.  It was a pleasure and so uplifting.  Even Ab and Nige got into it.  I'm not a poet, but I may have to dabble in it and feel a creative muse take flight.  What is so interesting is that while at work today, I read a couple of poems for a class.  An amazing coincidence?  No, but perhaps a nudge from above to explore a new writing medium and stretch myself a little?  

9.  I truly believe that the Lord puts people in our lives to better us.  Do you have a teacher or a friend that has said something that just touched you in a way that changed you for the better, from that moment on?  Or perhaps a confidante that pulled out your sadness from the depths of your soul and left you feeling lighter, more liberated and ready to face the world?  It is something I've been pondering on.  As I look back on the people who have said or done something that influenced me, I wonder who I would be without them in my life.

10.  Ab is drying her hair in my bathroom right now.  She is singing Taylor Swift songs at the top of her lungs.  It seems like our encounter of an hour ago never took place.  To me she is perfect.  She is one of those who have made me into who I am today.  She made me a mother.  Ah, Love Story.  For some reason, this is one of her favorites.  She is a romantic like me.  I wonder what her dreams and visions will be and where they will take her.  Wow.  What a ride.