Welcome to my digital writing journal, or mydigitalclutter. What started as a family blog almost two years ago has morphed into my writing therapy. This is where I do a lot of free writing, mostly about my life with my family and the things that catch my interest. While nowhere even close to perfect, in each post I like to see how my writing is changing with time and practice. Most posts are left unedited for this reason, so if you don't mind, take the journey with me.

Friday, June 18, 2010

Patience, My Lacking Virtue

So, I thought I would do a quick post to update on my mom.  Her surgery is almost four weeks out and she is still struggling quite a bit.  She went to the doctor today and they did all sorts of tests, and we hope they will have some answers soon.  She was doing remarkably well as she left the hospital, but she has progressively trodden the path to ill health again.  They think she may have an infection, so they are testing her for that.  The good news is, at least for now, no pace-maker.

I have to give an enormous shout out to all the health professionals that took care of her while she was in ICU and the recovery unit.  After a week in ICU, she was fed up with the whole hospital stay, but there were those who made it more tolerable.  She did have one or two caregivers that had much to be desired, (i.e. not letting her get out of bed).  Luckily for us, the angels far outshone.  One who tenderly gave my mom a sponge bath, washed her hair and made her more comfortable in her less than luxurious bed.  Others communicated with us about the smallest detail and really made it a positive experience.

Because of all the time spent walking the hospital halls, we spent a few meals at the cafeteria.  The food was WONDERFUL! They had the grill going 24/7, and even when we were there far into the night, there was always someone to ring up a piece of fruit, water bottle, or if times were really rough, a hamburger and fries.

During these past few weeks, I've had a myriad of emotions.  It's been hard to talk to my mom because she isn't upbeat and happy.  She doesn't feel well, and when she doesn't, she gets a little ornery.  I've taken most of it in stride, with a grain of salt, but it has been hard to sit by, and not be able to do anything for her.  Unfortunately, there isn't much I can do, but call, stop by, and let her know how much I love her.

We are hoping and praying that all will soon be well, and she will regain her former strength and personality.  She lamented to me today that she feels guilty for not rejoicing about not needing a pacemaker.  She just wants to feel better, and I can understand that more than I can say.  I'm sure we both would give anything for her to be able to walk a mile, play with the kids, make a card, garden, and all the other things she loves to do.  It will come in time, we just need to learn patience.

Patience is one of my most lacking traits.  I want things, and I want them now.  As a child I would have to try and "trick" myself into waiting for an activity that held my excitement.  "It will come when it comes" was a mantra my 8 -year old self would say.  One would think after so many years, that type of thinking would have caught on.  Nope.  If anything, I'm more impatient than I ever was.  I get frustrated that I'm not writing as fast or as much as I would like.  I look at al those around my and compare.  I must get it from my mom, because right now she sure isn't feeling like being patient.

Oh the joys of trials in our lives.  Really, my trials, and those of my mom are so insignificant when we think of what the Savior did for us.  The pains and anguish He suffered.  My trials are so small in comparison.  Perhaps with the eternal, and spiritual perspective, both mom and I can learn to be a bit more patient in this earthly existence and learn a little of what this experience holds for us.

2 Lovely Scribbles to Me:

One Cluttered Brain said...

So i hope your Mom is doing better.
Trials are hard.
But my trials are made easier anyway when I lean towards my Savior.

Terresa said...

One of the ladies in my Primary Presidency has a husband who had a heart replacement (forget the proper name for it) over 10 years ago.

It defines his life. Let me rephrase that. It defines *their* life. It is something marvelous and consuming, a blessing and in some ways, from what I gather, a curse.

I hope the best outcome possible for your mom. Because, somehow, whatever our families go through, parents, siblings, children, we feel it, too. (My dad is near-diabetic and it has effected our entire extended family in more ways that I ever thought imaginable...)

hugs to you!!!!

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