Patience, My Lacking Virtue

So, I thought I would do a quick post to update on my mom.  Her surgery is almost four weeks out and she is still struggling quite a bit.  She went to the doctor today and they did all sorts of tests, and we hope they will have some answers soon.  She was doing remarkably well as she left the hospital, but she has progressively trodden the path to ill health again.  They think she may have an infection, so they are testing her for that.  The good news is, at least for now, no pace-maker.

I have to give an enormous shout out to all the health professionals that took care of her while she was in ICU and the recovery unit.  After a week in ICU, she was fed up with the whole hospital stay, but there were those who made it more tolerable.  She did have one or two caregivers that had much to be desired, (i.e. not letting her get out of bed).  Luckily for us, the angels far outshone.  One who tenderly gave my mom a sponge bath, washed her hair and made her more comfortable in her less than luxurious bed.  Others communicated with us about the smallest detail and really made it a positive experience.

Because of all the time spent walking the hospital halls, we spent a few meals at the cafeteria.  The food was WONDERFUL! They had the grill going 24/7, and even when we were there far into the night, there was always someone to ring up a piece of fruit, water bottle, or if times were really rough, a hamburger and fries.

During these past few weeks, I've had a myriad of emotions.  It's been hard to talk to my mom because she isn't upbeat and happy.  She doesn't feel well, and when she doesn't, she gets a little ornery.  I've taken most of it in stride, with a grain of salt, but it has been hard to sit by, and not be able to do anything for her.  Unfortunately, there isn't much I can do, but call, stop by, and let her know how much I love her.

We are hoping and praying that all will soon be well, and she will regain her former strength and personality.  She lamented to me today that she feels guilty for not rejoicing about not needing a pacemaker.  She just wants to feel better, and I can understand that more than I can say.  I'm sure we both would give anything for her to be able to walk a mile, play with the kids, make a card, garden, and all the other things she loves to do.  It will come in time, we just need to learn patience.

Patience is one of my most lacking traits.  I want things, and I want them now.  As a child I would have to try and "trick" myself into waiting for an activity that held my excitement.  "It will come when it comes" was a mantra my 8 -year old self would say.  One would think after so many years, that type of thinking would have caught on.  Nope.  If anything, I'm more impatient than I ever was.  I get frustrated that I'm not writing as fast or as much as I would like.  I look at al those around my and compare.  I must get it from my mom, because right now she sure isn't feeling like being patient.

Oh the joys of trials in our lives.  Really, my trials, and those of my mom are so insignificant when we think of what the Savior did for us.  The pains and anguish He suffered.  My trials are so small in comparison.  Perhaps with the eternal, and spiritual perspective, both mom and I can learn to be a bit more patient in this earthly existence and learn a little of what this experience holds for us.

Heart Health and Me

It's been quite a while since I last posted, and to be honest, I haven't missed it.  My life has been a deluge of sorts, with heart health issues.  Luckily, there are doctors and nurses with amazing healing skills for those in my family who have been struck by different heart issues.

First off, on May 11, 2010, my father-in-law went in for bypass surgery, and ended up with a quadruple bypass.  We consider this an amazing miracle, because he could have had a massive heart attack at anytime.  He followed promptings to see his doctor, and now he is on the road to better heart health.

As we are all trying to do better, this is a quick layout I did of our after dinner walk, a healthy tradition we will all endeavor to adopt.  Grandpa Clawson is out in his bathrobe, and his hat of course, but he is slowly making his recovery.  While he made it just a couple of houses down before turning back home, the rest of us took a longer stroll and had a delightful time.  Of course, the kiddos and their crazy energy took off and ran most of the way.

While Dan's dad has been recovering and relapsing, and recovering again, we have had more drama in our life.  My dad called last week to inform me that my mother was in the hospital with chest pain.  After taking a couple of days of tests, we found out that two of her heart valves are damaged and open heart surgery was her only option.  First it was thought she would be able to wait until the end of June for repair, but truth be told, it was worse than anyone thought.  Today I'm blogging from the waiting room while my mother is in surgery at this moment.  They hope to repair the valves, but if not, they will be replaced.  Either scenario would be acceptable, as long as she begins to heal, we will be happy.  I'm thrilled that both my brothers are here with me as we keep my dad company.  All together.  It made my mom cry, and all of us became misty eyed as we realized the enormity of the situation.  It has been wonderful to be together during this difficult time.

While we tried to keep the mood light, and I did need a few pictures to document the process, because one never knows when they will be valuable, it was a tense time.  We joked and laughed, reminisced and loved.  I don't know if Mom will remember any of it when it is all said and done, but it was nice.

The sun is out today, so I know that things will turn out fine.  We have a fantastic doctor, great nurses, and a great hospital.  More things to come!!

A New Year Has Begun

I really should update on all things familial, professional, and social.  With the new month, comes a new blog design, and a few holiday pictures.  Here is what I scrapped when I wasn't writing!

We had a fabulous Christmas spent with family, taking time to remember the most important part of the Season.  We had our traditional Christmas brunch with Grandpa and Grandma Clawson, spent time playing on the new Wii, and took time to relax.  The chaos of the season was swept away and I loved it.

I spent a great deal of time writing.  Segullah's essay contest deadline was on Dec. 31, 200, and I wanted to be able to submit something.  I had an essay on my computer that I had played with for a couple of months, intending to do some revisions and submit that.  By the 30th, I was more than done with it, trying to resist the urge to delete every word.  I didn't, it is still sitting in the corner of my hard drive, but I won't look at it for quite a while.  Luckily, I did find something to submit, and even felt like it was something to be pleased with.  While I doubt it will even place an honorable mention, I'm so glad to have a submission under my belt.

In church related news, I am now working in the Young Women's organization, and am thrilled to work with the 12 and 13 year-old girls.  I spent the morning in presidency meeting, and have a lot of excitement for the upcoming activities.  It will be a new and interesting experience.

All in all, I believe my new year will have one word as my mantra--Balance.  You see, I have desires to write more, take more pictures, cook dinner more often, fulfill my calling in church, keep a clean house, all on top of the most important things, like being a wife and mother.  I refuse to be pulled into that deep, dark, well of unbalanced life, which then leads to depression, feelings of inadequacy, and fodder for the dark wily one to mess with me.

May you all have balance in your new year...it is a new beginning for all of us!

Back in the Saddle

It was kind of scary to be honest.  After losing so much important data on my external hard drive, I was nervous to scrap a photo, write an essay, or even try to come to terms with what I had lost.

On Friday, I purchased Photoshop Elements for my Mac.  Now, for years now, I have been very happy with the not very user friendly program, GIMP (GNU Image Manipulation Program) and have pretty much taught myself how to use it by reading.  See, books are _very_ important when it comes to information!  I can't even count the number of things I've taught myself from a book...but I digress.  The only problem I had with GIMP, was the number of Adobe Photoshop geared products, that don't work in GIMP.  I took advantage of my educational discount (which is by far, one of the best reasons to work at a university) and bit the bullet.

After trying to install the darn program on Friday afternoon, I was about to give up, when all my perseverance finally paid off (read, stubbornness...)and I was able to load it, after practically scrubbing my internal hard drive clean.  Oh the joy of computer maintenance.  I have to say, I did it myself, without asking my in house expert to do it for me! (Wow, I really am a closet computer geek....love all things digital!)

I found myself trying to do things in PSE that I could quickly and easily do in the GIMP.  What I thought should happen, didn't.  It really made me pause and think about how long it took me to learn the basic nuances of the first program I used.  It took months of playing and reading and plain old experimentation to do what I wanted to do. Why was I expecting the same results of a new, more user friendly program, in one night?  It just doesn't happen that way.  Although the basics of the program were similar, function keys didn't work the same, opening files caused a thirty minute delay by reading the help guide and let's not start on the problems I had saving a file.

All in all, I learned that I need a great deal of patience with myself.  Not that I didn't already know that, because just imagine my issues with writing down a short story or essay, and realizing that it's okay to re-write and edit.....I need a valium just to think about it.

Change is good, and although I won't use PSE for all my image manipulation needs, I can use it for what it was intended for.  In a couple of months, I'll look back and wonder what all my stress and headaches were for, because I'll have mastered what I need to.  Will writing ever be that way???  I won't get my hopes up.
*Thanks to ME for the image! :)*

Today's Post...Total Failure

We’ve all had that feeling, where our breath catches and then, spiraling downward, our stomach drops to our ankles and we know the truth.  It’s gone.  Photos, words, hard work, all encompassed into micro pieces of data, suddenly thrust into realm of unknown.  Something that was there, just mere moments ago, suddenly disappears right before our eyes.

I lost the data on my external hard drive.  Yes, it’s gone, and unrecoverable.  It failed.  Daniel tried, taking it to work and putting it through all the methods he could think of, and to no avail.  Gone are the digital scrapbooking supplies, some photos (although I lucked out with iPhoto not deleting them) and some of my writing.  Needless to say, for a moment, I lost all my senses and became completely numb.

Today, I am surprisingly calm about it.  I didn’t lose the memories that are associated with the pictures; my stash of supplies can be replaced; life will go on.  I can take more pictures; buy more supplies; and write something that may or may not be more brilliant that what I had before.  It is a chance to start fresh and look around at the digital clutter (pun totally intended) that I’m holding onto and start with a new perspective.

I need to de-clutter a lot of things in my life…my bedroom closet, the garage, the stash of dvds, books, the storage room.  There is so much ‘stuff’ that creeps into the peripheral vision of my life I ignore, mostly for convenience sake rather than blindness.  I need to eliminate useless activities, like staring at the box of other people’s ideas, otherwise known as the television.  I have found that I’m doing it a little more than I should, or even like to.  I’m not a huge fan, but I’ve entered the habit of letting someone else do the thinking for me, and I don’t like that.  Oh, it is fun occasionally to sit with a bowl of popcorn and cheer on the witty antics of a fun sitcom, or get completely involved in the crime drama of the season, but wouldn’t my time be better spent creating those stories myself?

Do you hang onto clutter?  I do.  I seriously think that there is a gene in some of us that is predisposed to horde things.  I swear it comes from knowing someone that lived through lean times, i.e. The Great Depression.  When my grandmother moved in with my parents and we cleaned out her house, we found jars of twine, rubber bands, bread sacks, and fruit that was over 25 years old, still in the glass jars she bottled it in.  While I laughed and shook my head, I had to wonder what I was holding onto that my children will shake their head at when it comes my time to clear out the clutter.

I remember hearing someone say that we are selfish when we horde things.  I never really understood that, until I thought about all the people in the world that can benefit from the clothes in my closet that I’m holding onto until I can fit into them again, or the perfectly usable bag that I keep because it’s perfectly usable, but I never use.  I love shoes.  But why keep a pair that I’ve stopped wearing?  I am sure there is someone in the world that would love my pink, taupe and lime green mules that I don’t have anything to wear with anymore.  Size 6 ½ if anyone is interested….
*Thanks to Google for the image*

What ideas do you have to de-clutter life?

Many Blessings

I wanted to share a few pages that I've scrapped tonight. I'm hoping that Shelly and Mary Ann don't mind, but it was so great to think about the great time we had visiting Amanda in the hospital. To view an update on her health, please visit her blog link on the menu bar on the right.

The first page is of the girls visiting Amanda in her room. The girls were so excited to visit with her, even though they weren't too sure how to take their friend being hooked up to monitors and machines. Although Amanda is cheesing it with her smile, she in no way looks like child they were used to playing with. To be honest, these girls have spent so much time together when Shelly was babysitting them, they are probably as close as sisters.

This next picture is of all the kids and their crazy antics. We all rode the train down and back. The kids all loved it. I was able to get some really fun shots of these kids making all sorts of poses and faces. The quote on the layout certainly does say it all..."Beware of the Kids!"

As always, I'm pretty bad with credits, so here goes the old college try:

Layout 1: Template by Andrea Gold, kit by Summertime Designs

Layout 2: Template by ???, kit is the Scrap Orchard April Mega kit.

Remembering this day is bittersweet. We certainly felt pain for our dear friends the Nef's and were so glad to sit and visit with them. On a side note, for those interested, we did see Elder M. Russell Ballard coming out of one of the elevators when we were at the hospital! We had to do a double take to make sure it was him! We did have a lot of fun hanging out, and can't wait to be able to do it with Amanda and the rest of her family when she gets better and can be around other people again.

To end tonight, I have to start counting my blessings. I am overwhelmed by the many things that I have been blessed with. The list grows daily. Tonight in particular, I was reminded as I looked at Nigel fell asleep on the living room floor, how blessed I am to be the mother of my children. Cute kid that he is, he is even cuter while sleeping and his face relaxes in an angelic manner. He has the longest eye lashes I have ever seen and they fan his cheeks beautifully. He won't appreciate that comparison when he is older, but for now, that is how he is. Abbie is maturing and makes me want to enjoy the moments when she still is a little girl. Moments where she wants to snuggle on the couch and let me stoke her arm or hair, those are to be remembered and counted as blessings.

Have you counted your blessings today?

Digi Delightful Desktop

I know I'm weird. I admit it freely. My house is been in a constant state of unfinishedness (if that is even a word, which I'm sure it isn't because spellcheck has red lines under it) with walls that need to be repainted, pictures hung, decorations purchased, but instead of doing these things, I have updated my computer desktop to display a new look for March.

I'm not sure why it is so important for me to do this, but I'm sure that the amount of time I'm on my computer has something to do with it. It could also be that paint takes money, decorations take money, and pictures need frames, which costs money. Money that I would rather spend on bills at the moment! Not that I wouldn't LOVE to go hog wild and purchase a 5 gallon bucket of "Museum" colored paint to finish off the (gagging sound effect here) yellow walls with the purple sponge paint, AND crackle finish and have my walls crisp and clean. I can live with it for a while. SIGH! So I compensate and decorate my computer desktop.

So, here is what is decorating my space for the time being:

Kit by Shabby Princess "Go Lucky" and Template by Andrea Gold

Desktop from Polka Dot Plum

Desktop from Shabby Princess

If only painting my walls and cleaning my house were as simple. I don't have to worry about all the socks left out and the toothpaste on the bathroom counter with a digital desktop. It is all there, and I can change it if I need to.

Decorate my phone!

I decided to update my iPhone background tonight.  I used my blog kit and made a quick little background.  I decided it was quite March-like with the green and so it would be appropriate.  The picture is the only one that I have of both of my kids since Christmas.  I just can't seem to get them together.  We were at Noodles a couple of weeks ago, and I decided to try and catch them in the same frame.  Oh well.  iPhone pics aren't the best quality, but they are handy!

I may have to change it tomorrow, but isn't that the best about digiscrapping?

Out of the dregs of sorrow comes.....my children!

These two little darlings can get anyone out of the doldrums.  I started scrapping Sunday night, after my post, and this made me feel a whole lot better about life.  Here are two beings that are straight from our Heavenly Father, vibrant and full of hope.  Although there are days when I get frustrated with the breakdowns at Wal-Mart (tonight) it always seems that they can turn my frown upside down!  (Primary songs are always appropriate ways to express feelings!)

Here are a couple of pages I've been doing.  As always, I suck at credits, so be assured that I used a digital template and kits, not of my own creation, but of someone much more computer savvy than I am!!!

Abbie at her piano recital on December 18, 2008 at the Layton Library Auditorium.  She played really well!

A couple of Christmas pics of gifts.  Look at Nigel cheesing it up with his Red Robot.  He calls him "Red Clawson"!

Of course the traditional Christmas Jammies!  What family doesn't do this, I wonder.  Oh, that's right, mine didn't when I was growing up...so why do I do it now?  Beats me! :)

Abbie and her games.  She is a game fanatic!

I have more photos to scrap, but this is what I had done.  I'm just so lucky to have kids like this, who are so good.  I certainly do love them!!!

New Desktops

As you can see, I've updated my blog a bit.  I'm not very happy with it yet, but as I don't want to get too frustrated, I've decided to let it sit for a couple of days.  I have a couple of new desktops on my computer.  I've needed a change from the red and green of Christmas and these two are just the change that I need.  We'll see how long it lasts once the dreary January days wane and I need something else to liven it up.  Here is what I've got:

The top desktop is from Shabby Princess and the bottom from Shabby Miss Jenn.  Kind of fun!

I have to get started on my "project".  I've been laying the groundwork for quite some time and have jotted many thoughts and ideas down.  I can't put it off any longer.  We'll have to see how it goes in the coming weeks.  My lesson from Relief Society has given me another boost to achieve the goals that I have set out for myself.  I hope that it will work out.  Wow.

Have a good one!

Vote for my layout!

I actually entered a digi-scrap contest.  I don't even hope to win, but would love it if you went and voted for me!

Working on the blog

I thought it was time for a new look for my blog.  I found that by changing the width, I have a lot more room for my posts and it just doesn't look as cluttered.  Whoo hoo!  We'll see how it goes.

I have scrapped my photos from Halloween and thought that I would share.  I am so proud of Daniel's prowess in the sewing field.  The kid's looked fantastic and loved their costumes.  What little darlings!

New desktops, new blog look

A new month, a new look.  I had to update my desktop as well, so my laptop is sporting these new looks for the month of November.  The first is from Shabby Princess and the other is from the Golden Girls.  I put my Halloween pictures on them, so we have the most current pics of my kids.

I also updated the wallpaper on my iPhone.  I love this creative business!  At least on the computer I feel a bit like I'm in my element. (Blogger won't let me upload right now, so I'll have to try later!)

We had a great Halloween; it was very laid back and so nice weather-wise.  I took the kids out for trick-or-treating and we didn't even need jackets!  It was quiet and a mellow Halloween all the way around in our neighborhood.  We didn't have a ton of kids come to our house either.  We gave out pencils, which just goes to show how geeky we are at our house.  We actually had a number of parents tell us how happy they were to get something other than candy!  The best though, was the little kids, who were so excited to have their very own pencil.  That made it worth it right there.

Today is is stormy, and feels very autumnal.  I think I need the change for my sanity.  I just could do without snow on the roads.

Itchy Witchy, Witches Galore!

So, I took Friday off because the Abbie and Nigel were home for UEA.  We got a lot accomplished and had a great day.  We first cleaned in the house (although to look at it now, you wouldn't know it!), took Nigel for a haircut, and spent an amazing amount of time at the new D.I.  Now, it was grand opening weekend for their new location and I can't believe how insanely crazy it was.  They were giving away free t-shirts, balloons, and even had a clown making balloon animals.  The kids were in heaven.  We ran into three women from our ward and had so much fun going through the books, clothes, etc.  Poor Nigel is growing so fast that he has outgrown all of his pants length-wise that he had a the beginning of the summer.  So, I had to go up another size, but they are huge around his waist.  I picked up a couple of pair at the D.I. that were in good condition so I'm not spending so much on pants he will outgrow in two months.  Yikes!  As for Abbie, we got her a couple of new, brand-name pants that were in mint condition!  Yeah!!  She loved it too, and I'm glad she isn't quite at the stage where anything from D.I. is taboo!  Of course it all started because I needed to run to the distribution center that is now in the same new building, just next door.  Crazy!  The kids had fun though.

After that fun adventure we rode Frontrunner to Salt Lake, then hopped on TRAX and met Daniel at his office at the U.  This was the first time for Nigel to ride the Frontrunner and he was pretty excited.  Here we are at the station waiting for the train:

After we picked up Daniel, we went to Garnder Village to take some photos.  It was packed, probably because of all the activities they had going on for UEA, but it was so cool.  The entire village was decorated for Fall/Halloween and the kids had a ton of fun looking at all the witches.  Here are pics from our adventure:

Too Cute to Spook

Bicycle riding witch

Abbie and Nigel and the Baseball Playing Witches!

Okay, they are so done with pictures!

Last night we went out with some friends to MacCool's for dinner.  Yummy!  Then back to their house to play cards.  Thanks for dogging us Shelly!!!  We still love you though!

Today was stake conference, so that has ended the weekend nicely.  I took a nap, something that usually doesn't happen!  We are on the late schedule at church, so I took full advantage of being done by noon!

I hope you all have a fantastic week!  Love to all!

October Desktop

Now, for many of you, you know that I love to change up everything about my computer.  Now if only I could get on the ball with my house.  It gets so overwhelming.  The computer is easy, two or three clicks and you are there.  Here is what I'm sporting on my desktop this month:

All of the pictures are from last year. We haven't done the pumpkin patch yet, mostly because I don't want them to spoil.  It is still a bit too warm for that.  I wish this silly, crazy weather would decide what it's doing!  

Tonight we are going to a scout court of honor.  Dan is in charge, so we are going to help him out with everything.  I'm the unofficial photographer.  There is an Eagle rank advancement as well, so it will be a nice night.

So, spruce up your desktop!  Have a great day!  Love to all!

First Day of School!

Today was the first day of school!  The kids were so excited for today.  Last night they each had a father's blessing and were all ready to go.  We took Abbie first, as they have "Back to School" day.  This is her at her desk.

Since this was Nigel's first day of school too, I had them pose together:  


We had to come back to school later for Nigel's "Back to School" day.  His teacher is brand new and this is her first year teaching.  She was very enthusiastic and an Aggie to boot.  I think he will enjoy it, even though today was kind of tough.  He didn't like leaving the classroom to watch a video while the teacher spoke with all the parents.  Then he started crying because he had to come home!

We've had a very busy few days and I hope to post more about that later.  We celebrated 11 years of marriage, went to the annual county fair/rodeo in Tremonton, and school started.  Wow.  Can it get any busier?  I'm sure it can!

Saturday is computer day...

Yesterday Daniel spent almost all day working on his dad's computer.  I worked on some digi layouts while I waited.  He ended up staying while the kids and I left to go to Tremonton.  Luckily his dad brought him home, but it was pretty late.  The kids and I were at Pete's house to do a stamping project with Laura.  We are making perpetual calendars for birthdays, anniversaries, etc.  They are so cute!  I'll post pics of them when we finish.  We are only about half way done.

Here are the layouts I did while waiting for Daniel to fix his dad's computer.  He had over 70 viruses/trojans on his disk!  Yikes!  Glad I use a Mac!

Family...a blessing

I just have to say that I love my family.  Not only the one I have now, with Daniel, but the one I grew up with.  I adore my two "little" brothers.  Just like my mom always told me, one day they would be bigger than me, and yes they are.  What a goofy group we are!

Late night, early morning

We were up pretty late last night.  I think that most people do stay out late on the Fourth of July...fireworks, barbeques, etc.  We spent part of the day at Dan's parent's house.  Every year his dad shoots off his little cannon for the neighborhood.  It starts with a bunch of people marching down the block to The Star Spangled Banner and carrying flags.  The kids love it.  I was beat by the time it started, so it really was a late night.  We drove home, watching some of the city fireworks going off.  Here are some of the pictures I took:

It took both Abbie and Nigel a while to warm up to doing sparklers.  The love the little Pop-It things that you throw down and they make a popping sound.  We had bought a mega pack of them, and sparklers at Sam's Club.  We still have a ton to do.  Thank goodness for the 24th of July!  The food was good and we were out late...that must constitute a good time for the kids!  Naps today!  At least for me! <:-)>

I did spend some time scrapbooking, so here are a couple of layouts that I did.  I did say I would do a couple of Nigel and then when I finished, I went ahead and did another of Abbie.