Welcome to my digital writing journal, or mydigitalclutter. What started as a family blog almost two years ago has morphed into my writing therapy. This is where I do a lot of free writing, mostly about my life with my family and the things that catch my interest. While nowhere even close to perfect, in each post I like to see how my writing is changing with time and practice. Most posts are left unedited for this reason, so if you don't mind, take the journey with me.
Tuesday, January 25, 2011
I live in perpetual state of guilt and stress. It may be my type-a personality, or genetics. It could be environmental, or self-inflicted. Truth be told, it is probably a combination of each of those factors. Such as my lot in life is, I worry about every little thing, and in the end, make myself guilty and sick over things outside my control.
Case in point: I've wanted to sit down and write the story that keeps running through my head. I've brainstormed, I've simmered, I've jotted down notes, but nothing seems to take shape. So, I am mad at myself, because it is a dream, a desire, and a wish. I have notebooks with scribbles, a blog of entries, but when it comes down to it, nothing substantial. So, starts the guilt. I must not want it enough. If I did, I would just write and get it done. Then, the other guilt starts. So, how do I find time, working full time? Being a lackluster mom on most days, how do I carve some writing time? After a long day, who wants to write? I can barely keep my eyes open by 9:30 pm, so over and over the excuses and guilt, and sickness takes over.
Yesterday seemed to be a tipping point for me. I've been trudging along, trying to keep it together for a lot of those who depend on me. I knew if I fell apart, I would feel guilty about it later, for causing stress to those I love. I was feeling alone, unappreciated, and unloved. Not true in any way shape or form, but when one is in a funk, feelings and reality don't line up very well. Plowing through was the furthest thing from my mind.
Watching the plows make the various passes across the sidewalks, it was like a light went off in my head. Why aren't I plowing through, time after time, no matter how much snow accumulates? It made me feel like a dunce that I need something to hit me over the head to get me to realize that I can do it if I just plow through.
I wrote today. I got almost 1000 words down. I'm sure it is crap, but it's a start. If I just plow through, I will make some progress. If I just plow through, I can get back to the happy person I should be everyday. If I just plow through, I may see the cement!
Thanks so Google Images for the photo!
Sunday, January 23, 2011
This past week I've had several "bee in my bonnet" episodes. It started with painting both of the bedrooms my children use. First, they had to be shoveled out and fumigated. I don't know how two young children can create so much garbage! Of course the majority of it was paper. I think our elementary school has single-handedly killed off a forest with the number of notes that come home. But, after several days of sleeping in the family room, Abbie and Nigel have finally returned to their bedrooms. Of course cleaner and better painted than before. I am thrilled with how the rooms turned out, and both children are excited to have a sense of "owness" that wasn't there before. I will not make too much of a commentary as to the wall of the bedrooms before. Everyone has an individual style and I can't judge, but only say it wasn't mine. I just feel badly about taking so long to get around to doing the job.
|"Before" pictures only--will have "after" pictures later.|
Next up, my sister-in-law Becky and I had a sewing weekend. We accomplished quite a bit and completed 7 rag quilts with four more designed and ready to be sewn. We make a pretty good team as she designs and I sew. Hopefully she can sell them and we can get more done soon!
Lastly, today I decided it was time to change up the ol' blog. I tried my hand at designing a header and what-not. I'm not sure I like it, but thought it was time for a change. Perhaps it is just a learning experience that will morph into something else in time.
So much has happened over the past few weeks, as we rush to and fro, that time seems to drift between cracks in my sanity. The next thing I will know, the school year will be done, summer time activities will be in full swing, and I will be wondering where January went. At least one thing is for certain, I accomplished quite a bit during the month, even if my dishes don't get done!